Preface: it is late and my washer would not stop filling up with water. It is spinning now but it pretty much indicates how my day is going.
Today was Mr. Man's first day of speech with his new teacher. I signed forms for him to be re-evaluated and his teacher was very zealous in her desire to "help him so much."
Lord, I don't know what to do. At times, the problems they have, so minor, seem so big. And I try to give those problems to you and I know that you love these children so much more then me but it just feels so hard. And I am tired. And it is hard. And I am mostly patient and kind but it takes so much sometimes to find lego pieces and put elephant crafts together and listen to stories and help with chores. I am selfish. It is hard.
I took them to play at the park this afternoon so boxes did not get done. Then it was Stevi B's and a birthday party and so it was 9 before I started those wonderful workboxes. And my brain is so tired. So tired of being fun and wonderful. So tired of being positive. And I have Handsome supporting me but he doesn't know what I am doing. And at times I feel this stretching is TOO MUCH. I can handle problems and we can solve these things but not when there are so many and so many unknowns.
His teacher--she thinks my boy is special ed. She says stuff like "he doesn't monitor his volume," "he reads the letters out of order." If I sit with him and we sound it out, he knows that C-A-T spells cat but he just rushes through....could it be there is something more there?
In the beginning, it was Babies Can't Wait and head doctors. Ear tubes. Developmental specialists. And then it was okay...just speech and people could understand him more. And he is such a delightful boy, so much joy, I guess after hearing her today I started to think, "Maybe there is more to the puzzle." And while I know information is not bad, I am scared. And I feel alone in dealing with all of this. The papers and the psychologists. The aunts' declaration that the class he will go in is full of discipline problems; what is best for my boy? How will I know?
It isn't time to know now. And I have been praying that whatever I should do will be brutally obvious.
As often happens, there is a song on the radio that speaks to me now--the lines I like, "If there's a road I should walk, let me find it. If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment." That is what I am going for. If I need to do it, let's do it. If I need to wait, give him more time--let's do it.
Help me Lord. Help me do what is best for my boys.
